How to Enjoy Anal Sex

If you're feeling like one day you woke up and suddenly it was all about anal, you're not alone. The question is, can women enjoy anal sex? Thankfully, the answer is yes! Many women love it and even prefer it to vaginal sex, experiencing more intense, full body orgasms with anal. Anal sex is not for everyone but if you have tried it once, maybe twice before, with painful results, you may not have taken the full necessary measures to prepare the body. So how do you learn how to have anal sex properly and get some of that pleasure for yourself?

When beginning anal sex, your body cannot be at its most relaxed when your mind is not at ease. Enjoy an erotic shower with your partner beforehand and get squeaky clean everywhere. It also should go without saying that a pre-sex bowel movement is essential. When it's not possible to go on command, over-the-counter enemas are a popular and effective way to ensure your peace of mind.

Now that you are clean, your body then needs to be aroused to the point where you can't wait for anal penetration to begin. Along with regular foreplay, it is best to also participate in anallingus. If you don't feel comfortable with the idea of your partner's tongue up your butt, you may need a rethink. You are preparing for a large, erect penis to enter a very tigh,t downward chute. The sensation of a loving partner tickling and teasing, licking, and blowing is a very sensible way to prepare your whole body and mind for the bigger and better things to come.

Before attempting penetration you must first apply lubricant liberally all over his penis. Also, have him insert it right up into your anus using his fingers. Doggy style is the most popular position for anal sex. However, your muscles are far more relaxed in the missionary position. As well as allowing for easier insertion, missionary position is also beneficial for beginners due to its intimate nature. You can continue to kiss, and talk to each other directly, guiding him to continue further or stop when you need a break.

When you are ready, breathe out and "push out" as he begins to push in. You may feel a stretch or a pinch. Insertion is the hardest part of the process, and it should never be forced. When you are ready, it will be easier to build momentum once his penis gets past a certain point, usually a couple of inches past your opening.

Many people falter with anal sex when the penis hits the internal sphincter. Because you can't control it, its normal reaction is to contract and tighten when a finger or penis is poking at it from the other end. However, it can only tighten for a certain length of time before it tires and loosens on its own. With gentle persistence, usually after about a minute, the muscle will stop contracting and relax. At this point, you should be able to continue with slow pain-free insertion.

Continue slowly, always talking to your partner. As he moves in further, you may have the feeling that you need to go to the toilet. If you have done everything to prepare beforehand, this is only a natural reflex. Your body is used to pushing objects out the other way. Stop for a moment until the urge passes.

If you are finding anal sex painful it is important to stop and retrace your steps. Your body probably wasn't prepared as much as it could have been. Practice and good preparation should lead not only to a pain-free experience, but also to an enjoyable one.

Thinking about how to have anal sex for the first time is a lot like considering vaginal sex as a virgin. It's a little scary and a little exciting. You're expecting a bit of pain, and you know it will be awkward, but still you trust all the information you have ever received, you know you will eventually enjoy it. So why should anal sex be any different?

My book Anal Sex Secrets is a guide to great anal sex for both anal sex beginners and for couples who are searching for new things to try. To find out more about it, click here.

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My Anal Sex Ebook Has Been Published!

I have been writing about sex and relationships at Sex Secrets since 2007, and from the beginning, anal sex has been the most popular topic. One of my anal sex posts has over one million page views! That may be why Cosmopolitan magazine asked me to write an article about anal sex.

I have been having anal sex since I was seventeen years old. I am now twenty-nine, so I do have many years experience behind me (so to speak).. Unlike many so-called experts, I have had actual first-hand experience of what I am writing about..I have finally decided to put that knowledge into an ebook. Anal Sex Secrets: A Guide to Great Anal Sex is the result.

This book is both for anal sex beginners and for couples who are searching for new things to try.

Here are just a FEW of the things you'll learn:

• Why men are so into anal sex
• Why anal sex is pleasurable for women too
• How to clean up for anal sex so that you both can relax and enjoy it
• When NOT to have anal sex - not every time is the right time
• How to make her WANT to try anal sex
• The one ESSENTIAL you must have before trying anal sex... and I'm NOT talking about a condom
• How to work up to full anal intercourse with anal play
• The best position for first-time anal sex - it's probably not the one you're thinking of
• A step-by-step guide to your first anal sex encounter
• What to do if he's... you know... BIG
• How to keep everything strong and tight back there
• How to turn anal sex into an intimate experience - it doesn't have to be ONLY for physical pleasure, you know

... and MUCH more!

Anal Sex Secrets: A Guide to Great Anal Sex is all meat with no fluff or filler. It's also not full of moralizing and sermonizing. If you want to have anal sex, that's your business. I want to help you make it a great sexual experience for both of you.

Anal Sex Secrets is published by Lulu.com and is available for immediate download in ePub format, which most e-readers use. If you don't have an e-reader, you can download and install the free Adobe Digital Editions reader to read it on your computer.

Maybe best of all, Anal Sex Secrets is available at a price anyone can afford - $4.99. For less than the price of a six-pack of beer, you can be on your way to taking your sexual relationship to another level. To  upgrade your sex life starting tonight, click here! Anal Sex Secrets is also available at iBookStore and Barnes & Noble NOOK.

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3 MORE Advanced Anal Sex Techniques

Anal sex is not everyone’s favorite sex act, but it is certainly high on the list for many couples and can be a fun change of pace for almost anyone who isn’t bothered too much by the taboos against it. Just the idea of anal sex can be exciting to beginners. However, after awhile, even anal sex can become routine. That’s why I wrote 5 Advanced Anal Sex Techniques – to give couples some ideas they could try once they were no longer anal sex beginners. Since then, I’ve discovered three more techniques that you might find fun and exciting, too.

1) Hot dogging

“Hot dogging” is an anal foreplay technique. I love this technique because it not only feels good to have a hard penis sliding between my buns (and I think it feels good to a man, too), but it also gets me excited, knowing what’s going to happen next. To do it, place your LUBED penis between her buns and rub the  full length of your hard shaft up and down the crack of her ass.  Then take the head and run it up and down her crack.  After that, rub the head of the head around her anus and then, finally, push the tip inside her opening.  This technique is a perfect lead-in to The Teasing Penetration Anal Sex Technique.

2) Scissors Position

To get into the Scissors position, the woman should lie on the bed on her side.  Then she should extend her lower leg straight out and pull the knee of her top leg up to her chest.  Place a few cushions or pillows under the knee of her top leg to support it.  Then kneel over her lower extended leg and place one of your knees on either side of her lower extended leg.  You can switch sides later if you want.
The Scissors position allows for satisfying deep penetration because her butt cheek bones and your pelvic bone do not get in the way.  Plus, in this position, you have access to her entire body – BREASTS, back, sides, VAGINA, CLITORIS, legs, feet, neck, shoulders, and face.  You can also vary the speed, depth, and angle very easily as you thrust in this position.

3) Anal Wall Massage

Start the anal wall massage with just the head of your penis inside her.. Then take hold of your shaft and begin to rotate the head of your penis around and around and around, just inside her opening.  Then push in about an inch and repeat, rotating your penis around and around inside her.  Continue to repeat this pushing in and rotating  until you’re buried completely inside her ass. Once you’re completely inside, if you’re in the Scissors position, you can GENTLY rock your bodies back and forth. This rocking rubs your penis very gently inside her, which allows her to become accustomed to its size and hardness. (Each back-and-forth rocking feels like a mini-thrust.) If you follow the Teasing Penetration Anal Sex Technique with this technique, she should be ready to take it as hard and fast as you can give it to her.

Another way of of spicing up anal sex, though it’s not really a technique, is to reverse roles. My post Why Do Some Couples Enjoy Bend Over Boyfriend reveals how pegging can take your sex lives to a new and different level. These three anal sex techniques and most of the others I’ve written about are just as pleasurable for a male being penetrated as they are for females.

My book Anal Sex Secrets is a guide to great anal sex for both anal sex beginners and for couples who are searching for new things to try. To find out more about it, click here.

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The 3 Best Anal Sex Positions for Intimacy

Anal sex is an exciting way for a couple to explore each other sexually, creating new and intense sensations for both of you to enjoy. Anal sex can also be an exquisitely intimate act, in which a woman surrenders her body completely to her man. Whether you are experienced at anal sex, or you are trying it for the first time, these three positions will allow for greater intimacy between partners.

1) Side Anal is a good position for intimacy. With her lying on her side and you lying on your side behind her, she can relax her anus, and you can easily access the entire anal area. This is one of the best anal sex positions because it allows you to enter from behind, but still be able to wrap your arms around your lover. As you have her cuddled next to you, pleasure her with slow and gentle movements. Caress her shoulders and softly kiss her neck and back from this position. This will make her feel cherished and appreciated, creating a sense of intimacy and causing her to be filled with incredible pleasure!


2) Anal Drop (woman-on-top) With the man on his back, the woman climbs on top. This is one of the best anal sex positions because she can control the angle that you enter her, the intensity of the movements, and how deep she wants you inside of her. Since you want a highly pleasurable experience for her, be attentive to her needs. Look into her eyes, caress her arms and hands, and kiss her affectionately. Let her know how incredibly sexy and attractive she is to you because that, along with the anal sensations, will stimulate her to reach orgasm.

3) Missionary position (man on top, woman on bottom) is the best beginner position for anal sex. It allows the woman to fully relax her anus, making penetration much easier. The woman lies face up with a pillow under her pelvis and her legs pulled up. The man should kneel or lie facing the woman and insert his penis at an angle that is comfortable to both. This anal sex position is also the easiest one for her to climax in because her clitoris is stimulated by the friction from your penis rubbing against it as you are penetrating her beautiful bottom slowly and gently. Remember that this position also allows for deep, passionate kissing and caressing because of the face-to-face contact.

Anal sex should not lessen the love and respect shared between the two of you. These positions will help your woman,enjoy anal sex more by making her feel that she is giving herself to you and not just being "used." Naturally, the more she enjoys anal sex, the more she'll be willing to do it. Not only that, but the intimacy shared in your lovemaking will strengthen the bonds of your relationship.

My book Anal Sex Secrets is a guide to great anal sex for both anal sex beginners and for couples who are searching for new things to try. To find out more about it, click here.

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Postillioning: An Introduction to Anal Sex

Men and women of all walks of life enjoy anal sex as an alternative to everyday lovemaking. Anal sex, practiced properly, is as safe as any other kind of sex, and it can be extremely pleasurable. The rectum and the rim of the anus are all rich sources of nerve endings. Postillioning is inserting a finger(s) into the anus, and may include massaging it and the rectum. Postillioning is a great way to help someone explore their rear and learn to loosen the anal opening.


The best way for you to insert a finger into your partner's anus

When your partner is getting aroused, begin to gently probe their anal opening with a finger tip, bearing in mind that you should have already lubed everything. Opening up for anal penetration can be a very intimate act, so respect the fact that you are being given the opportunity to enter someone's body in this way. The outside can be caressed in circles and mild probes. This is usually a very warm experience and helps relax the area. Stroke and massage around the anal opening, giving your partner time to relax into the feelings.

When you both are ready, find the center of the anus and press gently into it with your fingertip, while your partner relaxes and allows your finger into their body. Insertion is helped if the receiver pushes lightly out as if going to the bathroom. You may wish to gently move your finger back and forth. You should find that your finger goes further into your partner's body each time and then easily slides through into their rectum.

What to Do Once You're Inside

Once you get inside, you'll feel the thick, strong, muscular ring which is the anus, and beyond it the soft sides of the rectum. Keep at least your fingertip beyond the anus, or contraction of the muscle will cause the finger to pop out again. Tou can explore around, pushing your finger in as far as it'll go, curling it around the anus, flicking it back and forth. If you insert two fingers you can push them apart inside as a way to stretch and loosen the anus.

A few basic techniques to get you started are moving your finger in a circular motion exploring the walls of the rectum, moving in circular motions along a specific region, moving in and out, and rotating your hand to spin your finger. After learning what you can from these techniques, start mixing two, three or more of them together.

Here are some techniques specific for postillioning a woman or a man.

Man in Woman

Use your tongue to stimulate her clitoris and vulva at the same time as you gently massage the G-spot and other sensitive areas inside her vagina with one finger. At the same time, play with her anus, her anal canal, and gently on the wall of her rectum with another of your fingers. If you massage the wall of her rectum closest to her vagina, you may find that you can convey thrilling sensations through to her vagina. Of course, remember not to put a finger that has been up her anus into her vagina.

Woman in man

There are two very pleasurable spots in and around a man's anus. The first location is the anus itself, which is surrounded by a large number of nerve bundles and is very sensitive. The second is the prostate gland. It is located a few inches inside the anus towards the belly button, and often feels like a firm bulge.

If a man is lying on his back, the best way to massage his prostate is to hook a finger slightly upwards when you have penetrated his anus, and massage it with a fingertip. Be careful, though, because the exact amount of pressure you need to use to give a man maximum pleasure is something you can only establish by experience, so start gently and work harder as he expresses his pleasure. Try different movements of your fingertip, such as circles, strokes, and pressure. If you have a finger inside stimulating his prostate when he reaches an orgasm, you will send him to another world of pleasure, one that he will most likely be asking you to help him revisit. Prostate Massage for the Ultimate Male Orgasm tells how to give a man a more intense orgasm than he has ever experienced before.

Postillioning is a great introduction to anal sex. If you take your time, and let your partner get comfortable with the idea of anal play, you should eventually reach the point where they will seriously consider allowing you to try full anal penetration with a penis or dildo. When that time comes, following the 10 Steps to Great First-Time Anal Sex will ensure that the first time is a great time!

My book Anal Sex Secrets is a guide to great anal sex for both anal sex beginners and for couples who are searching for new things to try. To find out more about it, click here.

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5 Advanced Anal Sex Techniques

According to a federal study released in 2005, 40 percent of men and 35 percent of women surveyed in 2002 said they have had anal sex with an opposite-sex partner. Given that five of my top ten posts all-time are about anal sex, I'm sure the numbers haveonly increased since then. That means that a lot of couples have moved beyond anal sex for beginners and are looking for way to make anal sex even hotter. Here are five advanced anal sex techniques to try.

1) Try different positions: on your back with your legs on his shoulders; both of you on your sides like spoons; you bent over the edge of the bed, him kneeling on the floor behind you, etc. Positions that require a lot of leg tension on your part are not as simple to do at first (standing, bent over, hands and knees, propped against a wall, squatting or kneeling over his penis, etc.), although they may give you more control of depth and thrusting (assuming you want control). One position I've grown to like is lying on my stomach with my hips raised a little on a pillow. I’m pinned down, so I just relax and let him do me.

2) Now that you know you can accept his penis, try alternately relaxing your anus when he thrusts into you, and then tightening slightly as he withdraws. This feels wonderful to both of you!

3) As a variation on (2) above, he can hold you to keep you from moving your body, slide deep into you, and, while not thrusting himself, have you squeeze and release with just your anal muscles until he ejaculates. Quite difficult, but worth it.

4) Have him deep inside your vagina before you or he inserts a butt plug. This suddenly makes your vagina seem much tighter, and then, of course, you can both enjoy the snug fit.

5) Don't always use the bedroom. With practice and repetition, you may find you don't need to go through as much preparation for anal sex. Some women, with a fair amount of experience, find they only need to apply some lubrication to their partner's penis and they are ready. Keep small packets of lubricant on you at all times since you never know when your partner may want to "bend you over."

As with all sex, the more you practice, the more enjoyable anal sex will be, since you get used to it and you know how to best enjoy it, what angles you need to use, and what tricks and techniques will make it most pleasurable. For those couples who've gotten past their initial concerns about trying anal sex and discovered how enjoyable it can be, advanced anal sex techniques can open up a whole new world of anal pleasure. Even though you are no longer anal virgins, you can still discover new erotic sensations.

My book Anal Sex Secrets is a guide to great anal sex for both anal sex beginners and for couples who are searching for new things to try. To find out more about it, click here.

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How to Have Anal Sex with a Big Penis

Can a penis be too big for anal sex? Probably not, though size does matter. However, a big penis doesn't have to be a deal breaker. With proper preparation, enough lubrication, the right position, and relaxation techniques, having anal sex with a big penis can be comfortable and pleasurable.

1) Preparation. One way to prepare yourself for anal sex with a big penis is butt plugs. Get one butt plug as large as the diameter of your partner's penis and one or two smaller ones. Use the smaller ones as "trainers," if necessary, and work up to being able to insert the largest one. You can wear a butt plug during the day to prepare for anal sex that evening, or wait to insert it prior to foreplay. If you wear it while having vaginal sex, he will love how tight it makes your vagina feel. Once you're able to insert and wear the large butt plug, penetration with his penis should then be fairly comfortable.

2) Lubrication. Since the anal region is not self-lubricating, lubricants are essential to reduce friction and discomfort during anal sex, and even more so with a big penis. A good choice for anal sex is Astroglide, a super-smooth, long-lasting lubricant that can be found at many neighborhood pharmacies. Use as much lube as possible. You really can’t use too much.

3) Position. Though doggy-style may be the most popular anal sex position, it’s not necessarily the best one if your partner has a big penis. Missionary position (man on top, woman on bottom) allows the woman to fully relax her anus, making penetration much easier. Another good position is side anal or "spooning." The woman lies on one side, and the man approaches from the rear. The woman can relax her anus, and the man can easily access the entire anal area.

4) Relaxation. If you have pain when his penis is inserted, have your partner stop, but not pull out. He should just hold his position while you take several slow, deep breaths and relax the anal muscles. Pushing out (as you would for a bowel movement) will help to open those muscles and allow them relax against the penis. The pain should subside though you may still might feel some discomfort from having something pushing into you and being stretched open. Try to stay relaxed as he continues to push his penis in further. Any time it hurts, have your partner stop while you take slow, deep breaths, push out, and relax until the pain subsides.

If the man exercises patience and control, most women will be able to accommodate any size penis using the above techniques. The incredible sensations of fullness for a woman and tightness for the man make anal sex with a big penis worth the extra time and effort.

My book Anal Sex Secrets is a guide to great anal sex for both anal sex beginners and for couples who are searching for new things to try. To find out more about it, click here.

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How to Make Her Want Anal Sex

Do you want to have anal sex with your wife or girlfriend, but are uncertain about her reaction? Many women are curious about anal sex, but are scared about comfort and safety issues. Some women who are unwilling to try anal sex with their current partner may have had a bad experience with an impatient or ignorant lover in the past. That's why I don't recommend asking a woman for anal sex without some careful preparation. Instead of asking her to try anal sex, it's better to make her want anal sex.

Anal sex can be very pleasurable for women because the rectum shares a wall with the vagina, and the sexual nerves are actually closer on that side, which makes the sensation unique, stronger and quite possibly orgasmic. My post Anal Sex from a Female Perspective describes what anal sex feels like for a woman. I am a firm believer that once a woman experiences the sensual pleasure that anal play can bring, she’ll allow you to explore the possibilities a little further, and, given sufficient time and patience, will eventually allow you to take it to the ultimate step of full anal penetration.

The key to the approach I recommend is to "train" her to associate anal sensations with sexual pleasure. The next time you’re going down on her (twice as many women orgasm from oral sex as from intercourse), move your hands around and cup her butt cheeks, squeeze and massage them, and then let your finger(s) wander into her crack a little bit. Get her to pull her legs back towards her head (so you can have better access to her vagina), and lightly bite/nibble around her butt in places you can reach, and run your tongue as close to her crack as you can comfortably (for you and her).

You must keep your eyes and ears open during this to gauge her response. If she moans a little louder, squirms a little bit more, or provides some other positive feedback, then go on to the next step. If she jerks away or gives you a negative reaction, don’t press the issue. Just try again the next time and hope for a more positive reaction.

If you’ve gotten your positive feedback, and are confident about proceeding, lube up a finger and slide it down into the crack of her butt and over her anus (this assumes she’s pulling her legs back for easy access). Don’t let it linger there. Just run it right over the anus slowly and see how she responds. Again, judge her reaction to decide whether or not you should proceed.

If you get another favorable reaction, try it again and this time, let your finger linger there, and perhaps perform some light massage on the anus, especially as you are performing cunnilingus on her. Her nerve endings will already be lit up down there, and everything in that area is interconnected anyway. As long as she doesn’t think you’re about to invade, you should get a noticeable increase in positive feedback.

Assuming you are successful, put a little lube on your finger and slowly, with circular motions, stroke the outside of her opening. Then gradually insert your finger inside the anus. Do not move it at first. Just allow her to enjoy the sensation of fullness in the anus.

Slowly insert the finger up to the end and make circular motions with the whole wrist, without moving the finger in and out. These motions will be felt in the vagina. While you're doing this, do something else, such kiss her breasts or stimulate her clitoris. Try to make her experience pleasurable. A woman who enjoys anal foreplay will eventually begin to give anal penetration some serious thought.

Getting her highly aroused goes a long way toward reducing inhibitions. If you take advantage of her uninhibited state, you can probably progress to the point where she’ll allow you to penetrate her anus with a finger, then two, and maybe even proceed to the point of using a small sex toy. The key here is to make sure that you don’t rush things. If you take your time, and let her get comfortable with the idea of anal play, you should eventually reach the point where she’ll seriously consider allowing you to try full anal penetration with your penis.

When she does, be sure to follow the 10 Steps to Great First-Time Anal Sex unless you want the first time to be the last time. A bad experience can turn her off to anal sex altogether - at least with you. On the other hand, anal sex can be one of the most erotic and satisfying sexual practices a woman can enjoy. It's a different, tighter sensation than vaginal sex, and, if the clitoris and/or vagina are stimulated while you're inside her, it can take her to another sexual realm.

My book Anal Sex Secrets is a guide to great anal sex for both anal sex beginners and for couples who are searching for new things to try. To find out more about it, click here.

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Anal Sex from a Female Perspective

Anal sex is one of the most erotic and satisfying sexual practices a woman and her partner can enjoy. Anal sex is a different, tighter sensation than vaginal sex. The rectum, once it’s ready, literally swallows the penis up and can’t get enough. If the clitoris and/or vagina are stimulated while your man is inside you, it can take you to another sexual realm. It's pretty intense, no matter what, and the increased tightness back there makes it just that much better.

I still faithfully follow the 10 Steps to Great First-Time Anal Sex to ensure that the experience will be pleasurable rather than painful. Oral sex or even intercourse helps me to relax and feel at ease before engaging in anal sex. Something that really helps me to relax the anal sphincters is my partner rubbing my butt cheeks softly, spreading them, and then squeezing them together. That and him teasing my anus very slowly with his fingers and tongue makes sure I'm very ready.

As for positions, though doggie-style may be the most popular anal sex position, missionary position (man on top, woman on bottom) allows me to fully relax my anus, making penetration much easier. I describe my favorite variations in 3 Great Anal Sex Positions.

I like my partner to go very slowly while inserting his penis into me. First of all, it allows the anal sphincters to gradually adjust. Secondly, I love the erotic sensation of gradually being filled by his penis. It feels like I'm swallowing him. I really like to control the pace by being the one to slowly push back on him at the pace I'm ready to take him.

Anal penetration is an entirely different feeling than vaginal penetration. There's a lot more pressure just before actual penetration. First, there's an intense feeling of pressure as the head presses against you, which builds up a feeling of anticipation. Then there's a release of pure pleasure as the head slips through. You really notice the change in diameter as the head moves inside. You feel the length of the shaft sliding in with every nerve ending you can imagine. If you're relaxed enough, it feels amazing when he gets through the second sphincter.

One of the most exquisite sensations for me of anal sex is when he pulls out and then slides back in the first time. The in-stroke is intensely sensual. I love slow at first, but there comes a point where I want to him to speed up and just take me hard and fast. It's then that I feel completely full. The sensation is very different from having him in my vagina. Everything is so very tight, and the pressure is what causes the pleasure. The anal passage is being stimulated while at the same time there is pressure on my G-spot through the wall of the vagina.

I can orgasm rather quickly after penetration, especially since I usually rub my clitoris once he's inside me. it's an amazing feeling to squeeze my partner's penis as my anal muscles contract around him. I usually climax so hard and squeeze him so tightly that he has a hard time moving because the sensation is so intense for him. If he stays inside me after I've had one orgasm, I can usually have another although I prefer to return to a slower pace for a while until we build up again. When he ejaculates, it's much better because I can actually feel him shoot whereas, vaginally, I usually can't.

Anal sex can feel absolutely incredible. It's different in sensation - it's deep inside, it's not the clitoris, and isn't in the vagina, but feels strangely like both in a sort of mixed-up combination in another part of the body. It doesn’t feel like anything else you may have felt before. Women who don’t enjoy anal sex are probably doing it wrong.

My book Anal Sex Secrets is a guide to great anal sex for both anal sex beginners and for couples who are searching for new things to try. To find out more about it, click here.

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How to Bend Over Your Boyfriend and Make Him Like It

While it still remains taboo in some circles, heterosexual anal sex seems to be gaining in popularity, and some couples are even exploring male anal penetration by the female partner, a sexual practice known as Bend Over Boyfriend (BOB) or pegging. These days more and more men are becoming interested in anal pleasure and comfortable with the idea of letting their female partners take control in bed.

If you’ve decided to make your boyfriend’s or husband's strap-on fantasies come true, you need to get the right equipment: a sturdy strap-on dildo and a reliable harness to hold it in place. When starting out, it’s best to choose a dildo on the smaller side, for comfort’s sake. A dildo of 5 to 6 inches in length and 1 to 1.5 inches in diameter should be an adequate size for your first strap-on. Choose a dildo that has a flange at the base that will secure it in a harness, and buy a sturdy harness with adjustable straps, preferably one of leather, vinyl, or other strong material.

Some dildos have an upward curve or special shape designed to stimulate the prostate. The prostate gland is located between the wall of the rectum and the bladder and is about the size of a walnut. It is the male equivalent of a woman’s G-spot, and stimulating it can greatly increase the intensity of the man’s orgasm, and sometimes the force or quantity of his ejaculation. While prostate stimulation can be achieved with a standard dildo, having the angle built in makes it that much easier to hit your man's hot spot.

Once you have your strap-on firmly in place, apply a generous amount of water-based lubricant to the head and shaft of the dildo and to his anus. You may even want to massage the lube into his hole with a finger or two to help relax his sphincter. If you really want to dominate your boyfriend, make him apply the lube to your dildo and his anus himself.

Once you're all lubed up, steady the dildo with one hand and place the head squarely against his anus. The most comfortable position for anal sex is with him lying face up with a pillow under the small of his back and his legs pulled up. You then enter him from on top, in a missionary-style position. In this position, you can kiss him, squeeze his nipples or stroke his penis. However, many couples like having the man bend over something that is less than waist height - a table, a chair, the bed, etc. - or take it doggy-style because these are more submissive postures.

Keeping a grip on the shaft of your dildo, guide the head directly into his anus and gently push it inside him. Instruct him to bear down as if going to the bathroom while you do this, to open up his sphincter muscles. Once the head of the dildo disappears (or the dildo enters into him about an inch or two), pause and let him get used to the feeling of having something up there. Then place your hands on his hips and begin pushing forward steadily until the dildo is all the way in. Take a couple of breaths and let his sphincter adjust and relax. Pull part way out slowly and push back in. Pull out, push in. Continue doing this, increasing your speed and force as you go.

Essentially what you are doing is massaging his prostate gland. Not only will he enjoy this, but it will also make his penis start dripping, and he may even ejaculate without direct penile stimulation. You can increase the stimulation by exerting pressure on the dildo in the direction of the prostate so that the shaft rubs more firmly against it. Also, concentrating your thrusting motions in short, rapid movements will provide more stimulation against that area.

Keep a steady rhythm going, but pay attention to the intensity of his moans and groans, the speed of his breathing, and his body’s actions. Communication is important, so be sure he lets you know what he wants and tells you if he feels any discomfort. Though you may be afraid of hurting him, if he’s begging you to pound him and pushing himself back onto your dildo, it’s a sign to let yourself go. You may find yourself surprised at how turned on you get when you allow yourself to enjoy the feeling of being in control.

Beyond male anal pleasure, there is a lot to explore in the area of role reversals with BOB. It’s a chance to explore the ways you feel - masculine and feminine, bottom and top - and a chance to relate to your partner in a completely different way. Bend Over Boyfriend is a sexual practice that comes with deep potential for personal growth and really hot sex!

If you're a woman who is turned on by the idea of pegging your man, but he's not so eager, try the tips in my post Bend Over Boyfriend: How to Make HIM Want Anal Sex. You may be shopping together for a strap-on sooner than you think!

If you're like many people, you've had a satisfying sex life, but deep down you know there's something missing, something you still yearn for. You're looking for new heights of sexual satisfaction. Don't let another night pass without experiencing deep sexual bliss. Make today the day you take your lovemaking to unimagined levels of fulfillment. To learn Tantra sex tips that work, click here.

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10 Steps to Great First-Time Anal Sex

Many people believe that anal intercourse hurts and that it is always an uncomfortable experience. This is quite simply false. If it hurts, you're doing it wrong. Actually, anal intercourse can provide a unique form of pleasure for both men and women. Anal sex is enjoyable for men because the tight anal sphincter rings provide strong sensations to a thrusting penis.

Generally, for women, the pleasure derived from anal intercourse is due to the shared nerve endings located between the rectal wall and the vagina, and/or from indirect stimulation of the G-spot. The anus contains many nerves as well, which can also react in a pleasurable manner when excited. My post Anal Sex from a Female Perspective describes what anal sex feels like for a woman. If you want to try anal sex with your wife or girlfriend, but are uncertain of her reaction, use the approach I recommend in How to Make Her Want Anal Sex.

If you follow the ten steps below, you can ensure that your first anal sex experience is pleasurable rather than painful.

1) Get clean. It goes without saying that if you're sexually stimulating an area that's usually devoted to elimination, you need to ensure that it's squeaky clean. Have a relaxing bath or shower beforehand and thoroughly clean the area. If you're self-conscious about your lover seeing your anus in full for the first time, why not gently shave or wax the skin between your butt cheeks? You'll be surprised how much more relaxed and confident this will make you.

2) Don’t rush into it. Engaging in foreplay or even intercourse before trying anal sex for the first time can help you relax. Analingus (oral-anal contact) is another great way to "warm-up" the anus and can be very pleasurable in and of itself. Run your tongue over the anus, licking it in soft, wet strokes, or circle it, running your tongue around the edge of it slowly and delicately. Flick the tip of your tongue rapidly over the opening, or try inserting your tongue as far as it will go pushing and stroking it back and forth. Try brushing your lips over the spot or sucking hard on the anus.

3) Use lots of lubricant. Since the anal region is not self-lubricating, anal lubricants are extremely helpful for making penetration more comfortable and pleasurable. Water-based and silicone-based lubes work well with both latex and polyurethane condoms. Many couples prefer a thicker lube (a "gel" rather than a “liquid") for anal sex. Use as much lubricant as possible. You really can’t use too much.

4) Fingers first. The sphincter muscles around the anus will not allow things to pass through easily unless you start small and take it slowly. Apply lube to one finger and gently insert it without moving it around in order to condition her to the sensation of something being in her anus. Once she is comfortable with being dilated, slowly start to move your finger in and out and around. Gently stretch her anus by pushing outward on her anal ring, as if it was the center of a clock face, pressing out towards 1, 2, 3 o'clock, etc. Once she has learned to enjoy the insertion of a single finger, try inserting a second. Always go very slowly and be sure she remains relaxed. Don't forget to use lube on each finger you insert.

5) Get in position. Choosing the best position may make the difference between a painful or pleasurable experience. Though doggie-style may be the most popular anal sex position, it’s not necessarily the best one for beginners. Missionary position (man on top, woman on bottom) allows the woman to fully relax her anus, making penetration much easier. My article Which Anal Sex Positions Are Best for Beginners? describes several anal sex positions, and tells you which ones are best for beginners and why.

6) Enter slowly. When you're ready for penetration, take one or both of your hands and use your fingers to pull your butt cheeks gently apart. This will help guide him into your anus without too much prodding, making it a lot easier for both of you. He should begin by slowly and gently inserting the tip of his penis into your anus. Remember that it's normal to feel some discomfort or even slight pain because it's your first time (just like with first-time vaginal sex) though if you're in a great deal of pain or feel very uncomfortable, ask your partner to stop immediately.

7) Go deeper. Once your partner has inserted the tip of his penis, ask him to slowly penetrate your anus further, but at a gentle pace that you feel comfortable with. This means it could take anywhere from 30 seconds to five minutes before his penis is fully inserted. Breathing deeply and talking him through what you’re feeling will help keep you both stay relaxed. Continue like this until his penis is fully submerged.

8) Gradually build momentum. Once his penis is fully inserted, the key to great anal sex varying the angle, depth, and speed of thrusting and gradually building up momentum. Clenching your anus can enhance the sensation for your partner.

9) Don't forget the rest of her body. Stimulating other parts of her body during anal sex can help make her feel more relaxed and provide a greater thrill for both of you. While thrusting in and out, reach around and finger her clitoris. While orgasm may occur purely from the anal sex, this added stimulation will lead to a more intense sexual experience.

10) At the end. Immediately following climax, she may become extremely sensitive to penetration. Thrusting or pulling out should be done very gently after orgasm. Also, remember that once your penis has been inside the rectum, don't put it inside anywhere else until you have washed yourself.

These days more and more men are becoming interested in anal pleasure and comfortable with the idea of letting their female partners take control in bed, and some couples are even exploring male anal penetration by the female partner, a sexual practice known as Bend Over Boyfriend (BOB) or pegging. If you have never tried (or even heard of) this sexual practice, read my tutorial How to Bend Over Your Boyfriend and Make Him Like It.

Anal sex is one of the most erotic and satisfying sexual practices you and your partner can enjoy. It may take some time to get it just right, but if you follow these 10 steps, you will both have lots of fun trying. The most important aspect of anal sex is communication, so be sure to talk to your partner about your anal desires before, during, and after your first session of anal sex.

My book Anal Sex Secrets is a guide to great anal sex for both anal sex beginners and for couples who are searching for new things to try. To find out more about it, click here.

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Which Anal Sex Positions Are Best for Beginners?

Many women are curious about anal sex, but are scared about comfort and safety issues. Some women who are unwilling to try anal sex with their current partner may have had a bad experience with an impatient or ignorant lover in the past.

However, anal sex can be very pleasurable for women because the rectum shares a wall with the vagina, and the sexual nerves are actually closer on that side, which makes the sensation unique, stronger and quite possibly orgasmic. My post Anal Sex from a Female Perspective describes what anal sex feels like for a woman. If you want to try anal sex with your wife or girlfriend, but are uncertain of her reaction, use the approach I recommend in How to Make Her Want Anal Sex.

For those couples trying anal sex for the first time, choosing the best position may make the difference between a painful or pleasurable experience.

1) Doggie Style is probably the most commonly thought of anal sex position. The woman kneels on all fours, and the man approaches from the rear. Though this is the most common anal position, it's not necessarily the most comfortable, or the best beginner position, as the woman tends to tighten up her anus in this position.

2) Flying Doggie is a variation of the popular doggie style position. The man stands behind the woman and places his feet outside the legs of the woman. You'll find that the man will be positioned higher and will be inserting into the anus in a more downward fashion.


3) In the Wheelbarrow position, the man approaches the woman from behind, similar to doggie stye, but lifts the woman's legs into the air. The woman must support herself with her arms only, or lie flat on a bed or chair.

4) The Anal Drop position puts the woman on top and the man on the bottom. You might think that this would be the best beginner position since it gives the woman control over the depth and speed of penetration, but being on top causes the woman to involuntarily tighten up her anus, making penetration difficult.

5) In the Anal Kama Sutra position, the man lies flat on his back with the woman on top, facing the man's feet. The woman should lean as far toward the feet as possible and then commence pumping. This angle tends to maximize anal pleasure for the woman while delaying orgasm for the man.

6) Side Anal is a good beginner position. The woman lies on one side, and the man approaches from the rear. The woman can relax her anus, and the man can easily access the entire anal area.

7) The Missionary position (man on top, woman on bottom) is the best beginner position for anal sex. It allows the woman to fully relax her anus, making penetration much easier. The woman lies face up with a pillow under her pelvis and her legs pulled up. The man should kneel or lie facing the woman and insert at an angle that is comfortable to both. In this position, the woman can relax several muscles necessary for pleasurable anal sex.

Women are often just as excited as men to be venturing into the anal aspect of sex. Many couples find that anal sex is a tremendous tool to enhance their regular sex activities. It's a unique feeling that is completely different to vaginal sex and worth experimenting with.

My book Anal Sex Secrets is a guide to great anal sex for both anal sex beginners and for couples who are searching for new things to try. To find out more about it, click here.

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